Weekly News Roundup, Aug. 20th

As the weekend arrives, this is what you need to know so you can pretend you read the papers while hitting on that hot girl/guy you just met in some cool San Telmo party.

• Even though we always knew machines would rise against us humans, we never thought it was going to be buses declaring open season on pedestrians in Buenos Aires.

• This guy, who married an old lady who was like 1000 years old and later died during their honeymoon, got married again to, uhm, a dude. No, seriously.

• Due to an ongoing crime wave, Baghdad is now officially safer than Palermo.

• The opposition gave preliminary approval to a pension reform bill that according to the government will pretty much turn out to be a financial Armageddon, meaning that the pretty little house you just bought in the Soho will be worth a quarter of its value in a few months.

• Argentine TV is still crap.

• The Government decided that the Fibertel internet provider wasn’t government-friendly enough for them, so without warning decided to pull a Chávez and now its users have 90 days to find another provider or else. So yeah, fuck you Fibertel users.

• The widely advertised “cacerolazo against insecurity” supposed to take place yesterday never happened because people were too busy yelling at politicians on TV for being stripped away of their access to Twitter.

• We all celebrated the early arrival or spring, though we forgot it’s probably due to an unstoppable climate change that’s gonna kill us all.

Happy weekend everyone!