It’s black Friday everyone! Isn’t it great that once again we’ve made it another week without getting robbed/killed/scammed/bullied in this beautiful city that we call Buenos Aires? (Unless you have been, which I guess is not really that great.)

So pack up you poncho* and indulge in this Weekly News Roundup created especially for you, my loyal followers, who are just too lazy to read or see what the hell is going on in the world.

"These papers will be useful tonight when I'm sleeping on the park bench" (Photo/Wikipedia)

• Economy Minister Amado Boudou once again proved he is kind of a douche bag when, explaining that Argentina had not run to the International Monetary Fund for financial assistance but in order to create a task force to tackle inflation, he told the population not to worry since Argentina “had not dropped its pants” before the IMF. Ha! See what he did? A fuck joke. Always classy, this guy.

• Depressed about Sting not coming but excited about the Sampras – Agassi game next month in Buenos Aires? Yeah well, scrap that too, they’re not coming either.

• As part of her “Happy Christmas” (sounds horrible, doesn’t it?) government plan, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner announced she would be giving pensioners a 500 pesos bonus this December so they can “buy stuff”. Of course with inflation these days they’ll end up using that money to pay for the massive amount of fireworks they’ll be buying for midnight on December 25^th, and the steep hospital bill resulting from getting both their hands burnt by them. Nice gesture though, Madame President!

• While making the announcement, the President began talking about buying new pacemakers, which clearly touched her since her husband died of a heart attack only a month ago. Me, following my “no attacks for as long as she cries” policy was getting ready for another disappointing week, when I suddenly witnessed her in her whole bitchy splendor again: one of her aides decided to provide her with a box of tissues and left it on her podium. Visibly annoyed, she grabbed the box and threw it away angrily. I’m guessing that means she’s back!
• Oh yeah, the aide has been killed.

• It may have seemed like a Hollywood film (not one with Denzel Washington in it but more like one of those with Steven Seagal in it), but it wasn’t. Apparently, those hardcore gangs of robbers are back, and this time they attacked an armored truck carrying over $19 million in a very skillful way while brandishing assault rifles and killing two policemen in the process. However, these idiots apparently forgot how to deal with the most important part of the plan, which was actually getting the money and realized there was no way for them to open the truck, so they left the area in a hurry. It was all caught on tape, of course.

• The showbiz world is divided nowadays, with half of it supporting the government and the other pretty much hating it. So this week, past-his-prime actor Federico Luppi dared to insult untouchable-living-mummy and TV host Mirtha Legrand, calling her “ignorant” due to her “right-wing” ideology. Mrs. Legrand, already a TV legend, was defended by many so they will keep being invited to her show. Still, Mr. Luppi isn’t that wrong I guess. After all, while discussing gay marriage, she asked a gay person this question. (Yeah, it’s in Spanish, don’t complain. I thought you came here to learn).

• Once again, the Lower House couldn’t come to an agreement on the 2011 budget bill, and bla bla bla, “fuck this”, “screw that” and many other insults later, the Congressional season was concluded for the year and now the president has no budget for next year. On the bright side, at least now she will know what it feels like to live trying to make ends meet.

• You know how you realize that clearly the American expat community is having an impact over Argentine society? By trying to buy a turkey in a supermarket in Buenos Aires and realizing that its price has doubled due to Thanksgiving celebrations. Long live cultural imperialism! (Kidding. I actually celebrated it).

• So you’re thinking of visiting Rio de Janeiro? Lovely! Maybe you’ll get to ride a tank before getting your brains blown out! I guess that video of the assault on the armored truck suddenly doesn’t look so bad now, does it?

• The Union of South American Nations (UNASUR) once again got together in order to discuss who is going to become the organization’s Secretary General now that former president Nestor Kirchner has passed away. The Summit, to which eight presidents attended, took place in Georgetown, Guyana, a country that, despite being located in South America, I’m pretty sure you thought it was in Africa.

Have a great weekend everyone!

* = Figuratively speaking of course. Please don’t you ever wear a poncho.

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