After walking hundreds of metres amidst thousands of photograph-fanatic-tourists at Iguazú Falls, the slowly swaying hammock beside the pool at La Cantera jungle lodge is the perfect solution.

Of course when in Argentina no trip is complete without seeing one of nature’s most amazing natural phenomenona, the Iguazú waterfalls. So when my parents came to visit I used their trip as an excuse to escape from the grimy streets of Buenos Aires to the lush green jungles of the province of Misiones. After scouring the internet for hours we finally decided to stay at La Cantera.

Built in 2009 the jungle lodge is still in pristine condition with beautiful wood buildings and a huge infinity pool. The reception is small but the staff were friendly and spoke fluent English, a relief for my non-Spanish speaking parents.

From the reception one of the first things visible is the large turquoise pool. Comfortable lounge chairs, perfect for tanning, surround the water and on the far side are two hammocks.

Although the pool is not heated, the warm temperature of the air makes the crisp cool water feel fantastic. The only downfall to the pool area is the deck.

The wood is painted a beautiful, deep red colour but as soon as it gets wet it stains anything it touches. At one point I though I had cut myself because I had what looked like blood all over my hands. This is a seriously big mistake for an area that is always wet.

Between the reception and the pool is the restaurant. My family and I decided to try it based on a recommendation from one of the other guests. We were not disappointed. Service was a little slow but the food was fantastic. We started with a leak and potato soup and an arrugula, Parmesan, and pear salad. The soup was delicious and the salad was crisp and refreshing. For the main course I had a roast pork chop with a mango and bacon salsa. The meat was cooked perfectly and the sweet mango slices accompanied the salty bacon pieces to make a mouth-watering salsa. After that feast we didn’t have room for dessert but from spying on other tables it looked pretty appetising.

The room we stayed in had modern furniture with large beds and very high ceilings. The walls were painted white to make the room appear even larger and the décor was jungle-meets-chic, with white linens accented by green and blue leaf patterns. Each room also had a screen porch with its own hammock.

The only problem was the bathroom walls. The walls were in fact not walls at all but fogged glass barriers with strips of translucent glass. I can understand the modern look they intended to achieve but I’d rather have my privacy.

Outside, the jungle was full of life and staying right in the midst of it was a nice retreat from the not-so-picturesque town Puerto Iguazú. Once while sitting by the pool we even had a toucan come and land on the tree right beside us.

The tough part about the location is the commute. It is about 15 minutes from the airport, 15 minutes from the national park, and 10 minutes from the town. Although this means tranquility it also means money. Instead of using the hotel pick up service, hire a taxi for the weekend and agree on prices before you get in the car, this will at least save some money.

When the time came to pack up and leave I seriously considered asking the manager if they needed an extra staff member. La Cantera is the perfect getaway for families, friends, and couples. Despite a few quirks, it is a tranquil haven in the middle of the jungle.

It’s Friday, people!

And I have great news: I’m still here!

I know that last week I may have suggested that the local Government was en route to arrest me for considering me an enemy of the state due to my treacherous citizenship and was planning to ship me off to the Argentine Guantanamo, but it turns out it was all a huge misunderstanding! (Basically, I made it all up.)

So, what else is new? Oh, right. The Fall is basically extinct, and in further evidence that Argentina is approaching a “tropical country” status largely due to climate change, last week we went to bed while enjoying a warm, summer night and woke up the next morning freezing to death. I’m not kidding, this week it was actually colder in some areas of Argentina than in Antarctica.

So hurry up, my fellow hibernation enthusiasts, and learn the facts before we’re all encased in ice for the rest of eternity under half a kilometer of snow.

This is what you need to know:

• 

  In a distant past (2010) people would stride great lengths and travel en masse to the International Book Fair just to catch a glimpse of the so-called "books." Now everyone’s hooked on e-books, so no one gives a shit. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  The Argentine Senate has preliminary approved the YPF expropriation bill, which is now headed to the Lower House floor. Lawmakers believe the bill could be finally passed next Wednesday, unless NATO bombs us first.

• Still, it seems my country (Spain) will have to swallow its words and find a different approach to the whole YPF controversy. After what started as a grim warning of how terrible Argentina’s decision to expropriate the oil company was, the outrage seemed to fade out as the week progressed and the Spanish government found that pretty much no one was willing to join the administration’s plans to bomb Buenos Aires. International organizations such as the IMF and the World Bank, as well as the European Union and the US feigned disappointment and indignation for a couple of minutes, but then swiftly washed their hands from the whole thing by calling it a “bilateral issue.” Sure, the European Commission has warned that Argentina’s decision will have “dire consequences” for the population’s future, but there’s not much more they can do. Except bomb us.

• I’m done with this YPF thing for today, I promise. Although don’t get too excited. Malvinas is coming up next.

• The brand new Argentine ambassador in London, Alicia Castro, first published an interesting op-ed on Malvinas (See? I told you) in the conservative British newspaper The Telegraph, which caused the faces of all its readers to melt, Indiana Jones-style. She then formally presented the UK government with a proposal to restore commercial flights between the Malvinas Islands and Buenos Aires, as a friendly gesture. Then the islanders said no, which sucks because I was really hoping to score me some low-cost tickets for one of these long weekends. Think about it, the Malvinas could be a great place to celebrate Spring Break. British pubs, the sea and lots and lots of penguins. It doesn’t get any better than that. Come on, islanders!

• If you are a passionate follower of President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, chances are: a) You hate me for being “anti-Kirchnerite” (even though I’m not), and b) You’re not reading this before you’re heading over to the Vélez stadium in Liniers to attend the Cristina-palooza that is taking place today at 6 pm! (You’ve probably seen the posters while walking down the street, summoning everyone to go show their support for the President). And if you’re wondering what the hoopla is all about, what big announcement she’s going to make, this is the best part: it’s about nothing. You know, like Seinfeld. No, seriously. The whole point of the rally is to have a stadium full of people calling her name, while she gives an impassioned speech showing how strong she is. That way she can persuade NATO from bombing us all next Wednesday.

• If you’re wondering why the Subte has been going on strike almost everyday lately, here is why (not that you care). Long story short, since the whole subway system is a ticking time bomb on the verge of collapse and neither the National nor the City governments want to take care of it, the Subte employees are selflessly trying to raise awareness about how unprotected us passengers are, while putting their entire careers at risk over charges of insubordination. Also, they want more money.

• Great news everyone! You know when you’re standing in the immigration line to enter/leave Argentina at the Ezeiza airport and you realize you didn’t bring a pen with you so you can’t fill out those pesky immigration forms? Well, not to worry because as of now the Government has finally implemented the new digital terminals with a biometric system. How exotic and 21st century of yours, Argentina! It’s almost like in the US! (Without the paranoia).

• Terrible news everyone! You know when you’re standing in the luggage belt after landing at the Ezeiza airport (don’t make me link to Wikipedia again) and you realize your suitcases have been ripped open and someone has stolen your Toblerones, your iPod, your iPad, your iLaptop or whatever and your digital camera because you were dumb enough to put them in your suitcase instead of carrying them with you? Well, it is still happening (which you should have guessed since I started this bullet point by saying “Terrible news everyone!”). The Ezeiza airport police arrested 15 employees this week who were found responsible of stealing hundreds of items from careless travelers in the last couple of years. So remember that next time you send off your blackberry in a giant suitcase because you can’t be bothered to carry it.

• I guess being afraid of having your stuff stolen somewhat counts as being paranoid, so there! The local airport experience is now just like in the US.

• Argentina, you’re on (technologically speaking) fire! Since apparently the biometric system at the airport was not enough to make us look cool, now taxis will gradually begin offering passengers the possibility of paying with a credit or debit card. Fancy! So far only “15 or 20 taxis” have been provided with a wireless card reader in order to test the new methodology and “see what happens.” Really? “See what happens”? What could happen? You pay and you get out of the car! Am I missing something here? Whatever. Good luck catching one of those “15 or 20″ taxis in a city of three million people.

• Have you visited the International Book Fair in Plaza Italia yet? Why not? Never mind.

• Well if you had been there on opening day, you would have witnessed the hilariously tragic crossfire between Education Minister Alberto Sileoni and the City’s Culture Minister Hernán Lombardi (I know you didn’t click on any of those links, by the way). You see, since both of them were asked to give a speech at the opening ceremony, Lombardi (at odds with Cristina) seized the opportunity to attack the National Government for last month’s “ban on books” fiasco. Sileoni, of course, pretty much told him to fuck off while the audience booed and clapped and stuff. All in the name of education and culture, people.

• [ADDENDUM] Jesus, people! OK, I get it. I got like 15 emails from you and one guy even complained about it below. There are no “boos” to be heard in the Feria del Libro video, even though they existed. Sorry I gave you hope on some “boos” everyone! And if you still need to satisfy your blood lust, here’s a video from a couple of years ago when Cuban dissident Hilda Molina presented her book at the fair and leftist groups decided to crash her event and ruin it, all in the name of freedom of speech. Now fuck off.

• Oops! Back in 2008, 58 Pre-Columbian artifacts dating from 500
  

  Hotel Eden. Nazis welcome. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  to 1000AD, with a cumulative value estimated at around US$ 700,000, were mysteriously stolen from the Ambato Museum in La Falda, Córdoba. How exciting and Hollywoodesque, right? Even more intriguing, the Ambato Museum is located inside the creepy Hotel Eden, a mythical place that once hosted Che Guevara and Albert Einstein. What’s worse, according to historians, its owners were staunch Adolf Hitler supporters (no surprise there) and had personally offered their hotel as a hideout to the fuhrer in case things didn’t go as planned after World War II. How awesome is this story, huh? You’ve got the fifth Indiana Jones movie right here. The script is writing itself! But alas, it turns out it wasn’t the Neo-Nazis trying to revive Hitler and Che Guevara by casting some ancient indigenous spell only described in one of the stolen artifacts. Nah, that’s too contrived. They were actually in the hands of a City Government official who moonlights as an art collector, obviously. The guy has claimed that he purchased the items “in good faith” and that he had no idea that they were stolen, while City Hall has denied that the guy was working for them. Whatever the case may be, it’s a thousand times less exciting than the possibility of a fight to the death between zombie Hitler and zombie Che Guevara while the fate of humanity hangs in the balance.

• I know, I have issues. Leave me alone.

• This week, in “The Football“: TRAGEDY! In an unexpected turn of events that has the global scientific community at a loss, infallible, human-like deity Lionel Messi failed to score against the Chelsea this week, triggering an unstoppable chain of events that has ended in the shaming and collapse of Spain as a sports legend worldwide. And we all know what this means. THIS. That’s it, folks. Messi is now officially on the way down. Sure, he reached the pinnacle of his almighty glory these last few years, but deep down we all knew he wouldn’t be able to keep this charade up for long. Now, I don’t know much about football (that’s why every week I keep feeding you inaccurate information when it comes to games, and teams and players and shit. It’s not that I fail at gathering the correct information. I just don’t care about getting it), but one thing is clear: when you fail once, the deep scrutinizing begins. “Is something wrong with him?” or ”Messi hits rock bottom!” are some of the statements coming from the pundits who allegedly know what they’re talking about. So now it’s only a matter of time before he gives in to cocaine, alcohol and prostitutes (you know, like a certain someone) and he ends up in a distant outpost in the Middle East while engaging in mischief and tomfoolery largely due to cultural differences (you know, like a certain someone).

• You thought I was going to compare him to Diego Maradona, didn’t you? Please, like I’m that predictable.

• Oh, shit: The local press is saying that Lionel Messi’s girlfriend is pregnant. And so the collapse of an idol begins.

• Erik Lamela (someone I never heard of before but apparently used to play for River Plate so I guess he was kind of important), has having some sort of a kerfuffle with another player and decided to settle their argument by spitting on him. So here’s the video, which is totally disappointing because you can see him pursing his lips but you cannot see the actual spit. And let’s face it, that’s the only reason why you would click on that link in the first place. Still, Spitgate was so big this week that I decided to mention it, just to keep you in the loop. Because I know you don’t give a shit about Cristina’s speech today. But the spit incident? You have to know all about that!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

From the 1880s to the 1930s Argentina was rolling in it. On the back of European investment and agricultural exports, the country became the 10th wealthiest in the world.

Buenos Aires was transformed. Vast swathes of the city were knocked down to build grand boulevards lined with buildings following the latest European designs, while monuments, palaces and large plazas sprung up throughout the city. Argentines were travelling the world and bringing back the best of everything, from everywhere. So much so, that a large French architectural influence lead to the area between Avenida Alvear and the Palermo Gardens becoming known as the Paris of South America.

Exclusive hotels were built in Retiro and Recoleta and along the Avenida de Mayo to cater for the influx of visitors in a style that echoed famous palaces and stately homes Europe. Many of these hotels have, despite recent re-modellings to cater for modern tastes, maintained the splendour of this golden age.

We take a look at five hotels that have kept true to this old-money grandeur over the years.

1. Alvear Palace Hotel

Since its completion in 1932, the Alvear Palace Hotel has long been regarded as the epitome of luxury and among the top hotels in the world. Just as the Belle Époque period drew to a close in Europe, Dr Rafael de Miero, a Buenos Aires businessman and socialite, put together a team of top architects and engineers to incorporate 120 years of French opulence in one hotel.

Completely restored and modernised in 1984 and 2004, the old money ambience lives on – the extravagant lobby teams with marble columns, gold leaf, works of art – to the sound of classical jazz music.

The hotel’s 87 rooms and 110 suites overflow with masterpieces, antique chandeliers and original French furniture. Luckily, even those staying in the cheapest rooms benefit from the same, personalised butler service as those in the US$8,000 per night royal suite – usually reserved for discerning blue-blooded Europeans or Middle Eastern emirs.

If hiring one of the 12 Versailles-esque ballrooms for dinner with friends isn’t your style, high tea in L’Orangerie or dinner in Relais Gourmond-rated La Bourgogne followed by cocktails in the cosy Lobby Bar is the best way for non-guests to indulge in the splendour.

For more information on the Alvear Palace, click here.

2. Hotel Castelar

The Hotel Castelar is the only of our Top 5 south of Av. Santa Fe. Located in Monserrat on Av. de Mayo, the historic boulevard that runs for a mile between the Casa Rosada and Congresso, it was designed by Italian Mario Palanti (who also designed the Palacio Barolo) and completed in 1929.

While overseas visitors were drawn to the hotels of Recoleta and Retiro, the Castelar attracted a more literary clientele, and was home to poet Federico Garcia Lorca during the 1930s while his play, ‘Bodas de Sangres’ aired at the nearby Avenida Theatre. His room on the 7th floor has now been turned into a museum.

Other regular guests include Argentine author Norah Lange, poets Alfonsina Storni and Oliverio Girondo, and artists Emilio Pettoruti and Raúl Soldi. The hotel was also where vice president Carlos Álvarez dramatically resigned in October 2000. Formerly with a cafe as busy and as important as Tortoni, the hotel keeps with its cultural roots with concerts, literary evenings, and tango nights.

Having resisted overtures from international brands in recent years the hotel hasn’t had the large investment and extensive remodelling as other Buenos Aires hotels have benefitted from. However, some refurbishment work in 2008 touched up the rooms (leaving original wood, speckled glass and tiled bathroom floors), added the popular Turkish-style spa in the basement and altered to main ball room to imitate the Hermitage in St Petersburg.

The hotel takes its independence seriously. Hotel president Armando do Mayorga said, on the hotel’s 80th anniversary: “We considered the benefits of outside offers but we realised that, for our clientele, the Castelar always has to be the Castelar.”

For more information on Hotel Castelar, click here.

3. Plaza Hotel

The Plaza Hotel arguably has the best location of all – it faces Plaza San Martín at the northern end of Calle Florída. A long time dream of Argentine businessman Ernesto Tornquist, the 1909 inauguration was so important to the city that it was attended by Argentine president José Figueroa Alcorta.

Designed by Alfred Zucker (of New York Metropolitan Opera House fame), it was the finest and most modern in South America at the time – all rooms had central heating, telephone access and were all accessible by lifts. Furniture was imported from Thompson & Co. and Warin & Gillow of London, and statues of Eberlein and ceilings painted by Spanish artist Vila y Prades.

Since its purchase by Marriott Hotels in 1994, a US$10m refurbishment brought the building to its current five-star rating with 270 rooms and 48 suites.

More traditional and old-school than unashamedly luxurious, the hotel attracted the likes of Edith Piaf, Luciano Pavarotti and Indira Ghandi, while the Suite Fundador accommodated the likes of Charles de Gaulle and Theodore Roosevelt.

Caked in mahogany and velvet, the Plaza Bar (gentlemen only until the 1980s) attracts a mixed crowd of locals, tourists, diplomats and business executives. Next door, La Brasserie serves international cuisine while the renowned five-star Plaza Grill concentrates on Argentine steaks and a hearty wine list not to be missed.

For more information on the Plaza Hotel, click here.

4. La Mansión

La Mansión was a wedding present given by Félix de Álzaga Unzué to Elena Peña Unzué. Designed by British architect Robert Prentice as a ‘hôtel particulieur’ in the then-popular Beaux Arts style, it is considered one of the best examples of turn of the century architecture in Buenos Aires.

Now owned by Four Seasons, it has 138 rooms including 27 suites – the suites mostly in the mansion building and the rooms in the 12-storey tower constructed in 1992. The 2007 remodelling aimed to reflect the wealth of the period in which it was built. It is described by its architect Francisco López Bustos as “the luxury of the 18th century, seen through the eyes of the 20th.”

Despite recent competition from nearby in Recoleta, La Mansión maintains a regular flow of celebrities, who have included Michael Jackson, Madonna and the Rolling Stones.

With spacious rooms complete with walk-in closets and large bathrooms as standard, it is hard not to feel taken care of here. The two buildings are separated by gardens and a pool, while the Pachamama spa includes treatments using wine – presumably not from its extensive restaurant wine list. Saturday nights sees tango at Le Dôme bar, while fine Mediterranean dining is provided at informal Le Mistral.

For more information on La Mansión, click here.

5. Palacio Duhau

Located on Av. Alvear, the Palacio Duhau was built in 1934 by French architect León George on behalf of the land-owning Duhau family, and inspired by the Château du Marais near Paris.

Fronted by wrought iron gates and neoclassical columns, the Alvear lobby with red marble flooring, Bordeaux leather and Parisian stone invites guests through to the gardens and pool. The hotel is littered with areas for light snacks and afternoon tea in the Piano Noble Salons or La Biblioteca where you can sip in the company of more than a century of Argentine literature.

The Posadas building, added by Park Hyatt in 2006, is located on the eastern end of the hotel’s 4,400 square metre landscaped gardens. It increases capacity by 142 rooms and 27 suites, and, decorated with minimalist styles and contemporary furniture, provides a modern alternative to the traditional Palacio Duhau.

The Duhau and Gioia restaurants offer Argentine and Italian cuisine supported by the 7,000 bottle vinoteca, but for those who prefer a more personal dining experience service the 160 square metre Duhau Suite offers a private, staffed pantry and city-wide views from its 80 foot wrap-around balcony. But even the dark wood furniture and crystal chandeliers won’t stop the most discerning guest from venturing to the infamous Oak Bar, with views over the gardens and decorated with 17th century carved oak from France – it guards its extensive collections of whisky, cognacs and cigars in the old palace safe.

For more information on the Palacio Duhau, click here.

As a teenager, I worked Saturdays in a clothes shop. The day was long and it was sometimes a struggle to stay awake. During the mid-afternoon slump, I would toy with the idea of running home in my break or risking a sneaky stockroom nap. I wished there was a place for people who wanted to sleep. And now there is…

Selfishness is Argentina’s first siesta hotel. On arrival, you enter a cabin with all you need for the perfect nap – a reclining chair bed, pillows, an eye mask, aromas, soothing music and soft coloured light. You fill out a short questionnaire which asks about your mood, sleep pattern and stress levels that particular day. The light colour, aroma and music track are all then chosen to suit your mood and help you drift off to the land of Nod… When nap time is over, there are no obnoxious alarms here; instead, the sleeper is gently roused by a change in music and light. Only very rarely do staff have to knock on the door.

The brains behind Selfishness is director Viviana Vega, who devised the concept in 2008 with a colleague, Daniel Leynaud. “Life in the Microcentro can be intense and people have nowhere to escape the stress. Daniel wanted to create a place where people could take a break and I came up with the idea of siestas.” A novel concept, it has understandably taken some time to convince but they now welcome ten to fifteen clients per day, ranging from age 20–75 but mostly in their thirties and forties, a mix of male and female.

Vega is a psychologist by trade and will sometimes work with clients before they nap. “It’s not therapy, but rather relaxation techniques such as visualisation so they can detach from anxiety and prepare to sleep well.” Why is it that we need to sleep during the day? “Around six hours after we wake, we can feel tired. Exhaustion can lead to symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches and aggressive behaviour. When we sleep, the body can reorganise itself. Stress levels are reduced, our minds can process and filter information and we are actually more productive afterwards.”

There are, however, some guidelines to follow to ensure good quality sleep. “The ideal nap is 15-20 minutes and no longer than 40,” explains Vega, “otherwise the body enters a deep phase of sleep and it’s harder to wake up. Our sessions are 45 minutes to allow time to drift off too. Many clients say they’ll never sleep but 90% do. Our reclining chair beds also mean the body is never horizontal as, when you lie down completely, your body wants to sleep for longer.”

The cabins are open from 11am (for early birds) until 6pm. “Napping any later than that can prevent you from sleeping at night,” explains Vega. The basic 45-minute sleep package costs $49 and the most complex, $175. This latter lasts two hours and includes a pre-analysis, soporific hand, foot and head massage and, after the nap, a merienda with tea, cookies and dried fruit.

When asked about the future of Selfishness, Vega expresses her desire for local businesses to see the importance of sleep and install similar cabins in the workplace, as Google have already done. Finally, why is the hotel called Selfishness? Vega responds with a smile: “Sometimes we all have to put ourselves first.”

Situated on one of the most sought-after avenues in Recoleta, Mio Buenos Aires captivates you from the moment you open the six-metre high French oak door and cross the threshold.

In a city like Buenos Aires, new places to rest your head are always popping up. Touting bells and whistles designed to lure in tourists, many of these hotels fall short and leave us disappointed. Enter Mio, so meticulously thought-out that no detail has gone overlooked, not one sumptuous service spared. Warm earthy elements combine with sleek modern design to create what aims to be a new paradigm in luxury accommodation.

This fresh approach, combining design, art and the world of wine is run by César Catena, cousin of Nicolás Catena (whose name you’ve seen on more than your fair share of wine bottles). With a focus on business travel and high-end tourism, the family aims to deliver the same stellar quality that people have come to trust from their wines.

As suggested by the name (“Mio” translates to “mine” in Spanish), guests are meant to feel at home during their stay at the hotel. Thirty rooms ranging from 50 to 100 square metres are at your disposition, all appointed with materials like French oak (recycled from wine barrels), marble, inviting linens and modern components like stainless steel fixtures and flat screen TVs. They’re incredibly spacious and luminous, and balconies allow guests to step out for a bit of fresh air. It’s a nice break from the standard stuffiness seen in other hotels, neither too pretentious nor too modest. The idea, after all, is to create an utterly luxe atmosphere.

Touches like a Nespresso machine, full mini-bar and “on-tap” wines – red, white and sparkling – are complimentary and make even the most pedestrian guest feel like royalty. A centrepiece of the room, the bathtubs are carved from single tree trunks and are ceremoniously placed outside the bathroom atop a marble platform, incorporated with the rest of the space. It’s hard to resist the urge to draw a hot bath and slide in after a day about town.

Rich organic elements are seamlessly intertwined with clean, almost industrial lines, lending a unique edge to the space. The hotel is natural and inviting, ensuring that your stay will be nothing short of relaxing and stress-free. Located on the 8th floor, the Spa makes you feel as though you’re in some dense tropical jungle. The lap pool is tiled in a blue so deep it’s almost black, and is accompanied by a waterfall and greenery. A handful of cardio machines provide guests the chance to work off the extra calories hard to avoid in Buenos Aires. On the other side of the Spa are two well-appointed cabanas offering a wide variety of massage and other treatments. Dark woods and stone add to the intimacy of the entire space.

A valued addition to the hotel is the presence of Tô, known for being the first and only restaurant to serve Frapanese cuisine in Argentina. Chef Toufic Reda takes great care to construct a menu designed around only the best ingredients. Quality and innovation are guiding principles here; the lunch menu changes every three weeks, the dinner menu with the seasons. The salmon carpaccio was excellent, and while it was more than disappointing to see cream cheese used in the sushi, the Dragon roll was eye-catching and delicious. Moving toward traditional French cuisine, the grilled sweetbreads with glazed pears in a merlot sauce were indulgent and well balanced. A chocolate and passion fruit dessert was rich but the citrus sauce kept things light. Wine fanatics will be pleased to know that the selection at Tô goes beyond standard Argentine offerings. Bottles imported from countries all over the world result in one of the city’s most extensive wine lists, a welcome change indeed.

When you’re in Mio, you want to stay there. It’s at once fabulous and understated, chic and classic. Sunlight pours in from all sides, and when you aren’t enjoying one of the many incredible services available to guests, you’re napping peacefully on that insanely comfortable bed upstairs. It provides you with respite from the chaos that buzzes outside and is able to meet every need that might arise during your stay. If you’re planning a trip to Buenos Aires, you don’t want to miss out on a chance to be a part of the Mio hotel experience.

Need to get away for some one-on-one time with that “special someone”? Sometimes the urge for intimacy strikes in the most inappropriate places. Do you live with roommates? Parents? Kids? Maybe you don’t want to introduce your lover to your spouse? Take a leaf out of the Argentine book and get your groove on in a telo.

‘Telo’ is Argentine slang meaning albergue transitorio – pay-by-the-hour hotels where couples can get away for some undisturbed amorous interaction. Wipe images of flea-bitten motels and prostitutes from your mind, these places are sanitary and discreet. Many provide porn, Jacuzzis and deliver sex toys via prudent room-service boxes that slide right into the room – no bellhop to witness your lovemaking. There are themed rooms for all fantasies and if you stay the whole night, some provide free breakfast.

Below are some of the most unique telos in the Buenos Aires area – all open 24/7. So grab your partner and do the horizontal tango!

1) Del Bosque, Belgrano

Feel like you went on a weekend getaway to the woods – without leaving the city. From the outside, the love-escape is a rather contemporary brick building, it could easily be a normal hotel. Although the usual fittings are in the room – mirrored walls, showers for two, some with jacuzzis – the rooms are fresh and crisp looking. There are none of the porn-inspired themes common in other pay-by-the-hour places. The rooms have white walls with wood panelling, and granite surfaces. It is a perfect romantic vacation – even if it is only for a few hours. There are three types of rooms: standard, with hot-tub, and special. Suite C is a loft with a bed and shower upstairs. Downstairs there is seating and a spa-bath – complete with jets of course. Many of the rooms have natural lighting and some include skylights, so when you’re finally tuckered out you and your inamorato can fall asleep under the stars.

Located at Castañeda 1848. Prices from $90. For more information visit their website: www.hoteldelbosque.com.ar

2) Los Jardines de Babilonia, Don Torcuato

One of the most famous telos in B.A., it is for a more adventurous evening and for those willing to wait to be alone. A bit of trek outside the general city hubbub, this transitorio provides all sorts of elaborate antiquity-themed rooms. Habitacion Trojana falls more into the kitschy department – in the best possible sense. Conquer your partner in the room with yellow and blue walls, murals of erotic trojans (the Greek warriors, not the condoms) and a column-lined hot-tub with vines of fake-ivy. There are less adorned rooms, but if you’re willing to shell out the cash, you may want to check out their pièce de résistance -the Suite Imperial. For $450 per turn, the room has two enormous spa-baths, one indoors – the other in a private solarium. This place is over-the-top and you pay for it – but it’s definitely going to be a night to remember.

Located at Ruta Panamericana between Alvear and Boulogne Sur Mer. Prices from $110. For more information visit their website: www.hoteljardines.com.ar

3) Rampa Car, Palermo Hollywood

From the outside it looks like an office building – or a parking lot, but like most things – it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Rampa Car is conveniently located in party-central Buenos Aires. Perfect if you meet a looker at a boliche who is game for an escapade. There are also themed rooms – these a little less extravagant although the Arabian room is bright red with gold columns. The Japanese themed room is cozy and more authentic looking than some of the others. If the inner geek in you has some frustrated Star Wars fantasies, worry not – this place has a room perfect to get your wookie on. The blue mood lighting, fake control panels and robot decorations would make George Lucas proud. Less expensive than Los Jardines de Babilonia and more centrally located, this is a great option for those who want to walk-on-the-wild-side closer to home – and do less damage to their wallets.

Located at Angel J. Carranza 1347. Prices from $98. For more information visit their website: www.hotelrampacar.com

4) Hotel Pink, Balvanera

This is your porn inspired telo. Ruffled curtains and bright walls, it’s a more the experience you would expect from a pay-by-the-hour hotel. All 28 rooms are vaguely themed – the sushi room has Japanese characters on the bedspread – but tasteful and come in five different categories. One heart means basic, five hearts means more space and a hot tub. If you’re looking to try something new, get a room with an adjustable sex chair – like the two-heart “impressionista” – to change up the usual positions. Hotel Pink may look a little seedy from the outside but you’ll find the staff is no less respectful in what could potentially be an awkward situation. Customer satisfaction is number one on their list and they’ll do everything to make sure you have a truly pleasurable experience.

Located at Venezuela 2984. Prices from $70. For more information visit their website: www.pink-hotel.com.ar

5) O’Tello, Monte Castro

This place has been around since the ‘80s. Originally a spot for the unfaithful to get some action on the side, the owner quickly realized with rising housing prices couples needed a place to be intimate away from their families. O’Tello has been a malleable transitorio, adjusting to the demands of its customers. However, discretion has always been the main priority. The location is far enough out of the city and not on a main drive, so it wouldn’t be easy to run into someone you know – unless they had the same idea. Once mostly rooms with the basic essentials, over time they added a sex toy menu and fantasy rooms like the Classroom and the Batcave. There are also chambers with private gardens. However, the hotel is making a general shift to more minimalist-modern rooms with punches of color and less distractions from the real point. Don’t worry, they’re keeping some of the theatrical classics, but this telo’s ability to adjust to the times and keeping means it’ll be around for quite a while.

Located at Arregui 4241. Prices from $127. For more information visit their website: www.otello.com.ar

Just past the train tracks, on the corner plot of the biggest shantytown in Buenos Aires stands a four-storey, bright purple cement building. A rusty metal staircase spirals the walls, leading from a butcher shop on the bottom floor, to a brick rooftop where laundry wafts from the scaffolding poles. “Welcome to the Sheratoncita,” Carlos Adrién says with a wide, toothy grin. “The Sheraton, but a little smaller…”

A stray dog scratches at the food counter and Carlos shoos it away as he reaches below the shelf of raw meat for the key. An unusual concierge desk by all accounts, but originality has always been an asset in the hotel business. In Switzerland there’s a hotel in an abandoned nuclear shelter. In the Soviet Union you can spend a night in an old prison. And in Buenos Aires, starting in March, you can enjoy a weekend at the villa…

Slum tourism is a new gust of exploration to hit the ‘exotic travel’ market, and its credibility as an acceptable endeavor has become very visible in the press. The movie, ‘Slum Dog Millionaire’, bought the question to surface as tourist groups flooded the shantytowns where it was filmed. The villas of Buenos Aires have yet to become part of the trend, but in neighbouring Brazil, favela  tours have been going for 16 years; customers with the biggest companies arrive in minibuses, scheduled daily. Critiques have ranged from stark reproaches that see the tours as tasteless voyeurism, to grand appraisals of increased awareness.

Carlos Adrién, hailing from Villa 31 himself, puts forward his own, unique vision of the enterprise. “Tourism is about exchanging ideas,” he explains. “It’s an industry of service, and I want to work in the sector because I think it will help integrate the villa into the city.” For Carlos, his Sheratoncita is a homegrown operation. “It’s not a show,” he says sternly. “I live here and I want the villa to improve for everyone”

Blueprints

Each time I meet Carlos Adrién, he is wearing a green jump suit splattered in white paint and a yellow construction helmet – whether he is building or not. If he’s not talking on his cell phone, he’s greeting people on the street or unraveling a map of the villa to discuss exactly which areas need the most work. His minion operates from the first floor of his home – soon to be the hotel. From the office, which is piled high with cardboard boxes bursting with keys or helmets or laser jet paper, they type away at two old desktop computers, decorating the walls with bright maps that speak to future plans. They’re constantly busy, but when I ask what he does, Carlos gives me a vague description of a recycling operative, a building project or trash collection. One day he tells me he’s a baker.

Whatever the answer, he obviously has the resources to convert his four story house – the biggest in the villa – into a hotel. He proudly places the plan on the table: an A4 print off, with a digitally altered photo of the building that showcases the bright colors and “Sheratoncita” sign that will eventually hang above the butcher. “And phase one is complete!” he announces, motioning to a can of bright purple paint in the corner

A Five Star Rating

With five large bedrooms, a fully equipped kitchen, TV and Internet, Carlos is competing with the best. “There’s even a panoramic view!” he announces, wafting his arms above the endless vista of unfinished squats that blur into an urban desert of rusty browns and burnt reds. Dogs bark in the distance. “Music!” he exclaims. And in one fell swoop, Carlos claims his Sheratoncita a place on the five-star list. Indeed, his fully articulated vision gives him as much credibility as any other accomplished hotelier. “The hotel isn’t just for tourists. It’s a boutique too. Anyone can come. The idea will be for people to experience life in the villa.” For three days, at a price of 30 Euros, with lunch and breakfast included, his visitors “will live like we live in the villa, sleep like we sleep in the villa, and eat like we eat in the villa: so, soup, polenta… bread as hard as rocks!” he says, chuckling to himself. And then, backtracking his joke he quickly cuts in, “No, no, we’ll have an asado. We are in Argentina after all!”

Carlos’ self-deprecating humour is a current that runs strong through his explanations, aware of the criticism that the project might provoke. “I’ve always had this idea,” he says. “But then, I’ve always been crazy!” His ambitious plans haven’t been met with complete cooperation in the villa, and from our first meeting to the second, he is a changed man. On 28th November, the Villa 31 elections were held. Before the vote, Carlos was a powder keg of energy, bursting with words to describe his campaign and the hotel. But when we meet the next day, his contagious spirit has melted into a melancholy frown, and his hands shake as he fumbles for the keys at the meat counter. “I lost the election,” he says. “It was a bad, bad thing. People don’t understand, they don’t get it and they don’t listen…”

“He lost because people in the villa were angry,” explains his daughter, as she shows me around the hotel. “They think he’s going to make a lot of money and none of it is going to come to them. But it’s not true. He’s so sad. I think he wants to cry but he can’t.” The wide-eyed 13-year-old is full of hope for the work her father has done. “I helped a lot too. My dad asked me what colour to paint it and I said violet, so we did.” On her instruction, the hotel shines out from the wall of buildings that line the outskirts of the villa; a welcoming beacon that marks the threshold into a world so violently ignored by the rest of the city.

Nevertheless, Carlos Adrién will not be pushed off course. He remains resolute that the hotel will be completed. “And it will be good for everyone!” he steadfastly retorts, as if the question was absurd. “We have everything you need in a hotel, and the hotel will lead to discussion – that’s what’s important.” Maybe it’s not the type of discussion Carlos wants, but he more than anyone, knows that just a little can achieve a lot. And he certainly has big plans for his “little” Sheraton.

There’s nothing that says England quite like a cup of tea. In Argentina, a soul warming ‘cuppa’ might be a hard to come by, but the “amorosa” blend available at Claridge Hotel & Bar is pretty close. That is, if you’ve ever described PG Tips as “an exotic journey of harmony and ingeniousness.”

Nevertheless, the flowery afternoon tea menu does all it can to keep up with the offerings at the London Ritz, and the décor isn’t too far off. Here, the billowing white curtains of the London hotel are transformed into dark mahogany wood panels. The design may be slightly different, but the shared ethos runs strong. Majestic stained glass windows bare Royal crests, and the decidedly English name echoes the black and white street signs of Hyde Park.

“The hotel and bar are built in the English style,” says head of staff, Marcela Marini. Indeed, the dark wood and shiny polished surfaces bring to mind the English gentleman’s clubs of the 19th century. The Steinway baby-grands either side of the door fit with the theme, conjuring hazy nights of wafting piano melodies and lingering cigar smoke. Claridge Hotel and the bar within were built in 1946 by an Argentine family who had ties with Britain. The venue was originally aimed at the growing number of British families who moved to Argentina during WWII. However, it has morphed from 1940s glamour, to tourist nostalgia. The afternoon tea menu is merely a homage to a time long past, as a range of languages now drift into the vaulted ceiling.

The mahogany bar is elegantly framed by a row of black and white portraits, ranging from the Dali Lama to Argentine ballet dancer, Julio Boca – all guests at the elegant establishment. And a wood and glass cupboard in the corner offers up some Dickens for the Victorian novel deprived.

However, this ‘English’ bar in the middle of Buenos Aires, offers far more than just a taste of home. Argentina is a country with a rich history of immigration and exchange, particularly with Europe, and the venue clearly speaks of this past. Indulging in “tea at Claridge piano bar with champagne” is the perfect opportunity to ponder the mix of cultures, especially when words such as “blends” and “tea leaves” are sporadically spelt wrong throughout the menu. And if you’re really missing a Sunday roast – hard to believe in the land of tender steak – the vaguely traditional fare available on the menu is worth a try. Although the food is on the expensive side, the winter mix of flavours and herbs, all too familiar in rainy England, are set to satisfy any hankering for home cooking.

Don’t rule out Claridge for it’s English feel. The bar is as much seeped in Argentine culture as the formerly Italian neighbourhood of La Boca or the French mansions of Recoleta. “Afternoon tea” may not exactly define a trip to Buenos Aires, but at half the price of tea at the Ritz, it might be your only chance.

Good hotels are places to which you plan on returning. Great hotels are places in which you dream of living; places which force you to rethink your vision of home.

Casa Calma sits in the heart of downtown Buenos Aires and aims to be “a home from home” for its guests. It is Argentina’s first eco-hotel and is devoted to a philosophy of wellness and organic living; an oasis in the womb of a heaving metropolis.

On 15th October, Casa Calma celebrates its first anniversary as Buenos Aires’ prime environmentally friendly, urban refuge. After a year of business, the ground-breaking design of the hotel continues to provide guests with luxury accommodation whilst adhering to an organic mantra.

Argentine architect and co-founder, Carlos Levit, believed in the importance of investing within his own country. Through travel and exploration of global ecological design ideas and phenomena, he was able to “create something entirely new here in Buenos Aires”. Levit designed everything in the building, and where  the green issue is a relatively recent preoccupation in Argentina, his work is truly innovative, as he strives to highlight the importance of organic living.

The hotel features an abundance of initiatives dedicated to promoting this movement of environmental concern. The building is surrounded by a beautiful vertical garden: green ivy which grows up each of the outside walls, providing a verdant backdrop and acting as an energy saving thermal balance, keeping heat either in or out as required. The horticultural wonder also improves the breathing quality of the surrounding atmosphere and grows behind double glazed glass, ensuring that no heat is lost unnecessarily.

The hotel’s impeccable decor is all manufactured from eco-friendly materials. The wood used is certified by the Forest Stewardship Council, assuring sustainable forest resources; and the wallpaper is made from entirely recycled materials. Furthermore, each room’s amenities (the lavish, complementary spa products) are bottled using recycled plastic, and are refilled as opposed to replaced, cutting down on the hotel’s waste.

However, according to the staff of Casa Calma, the hotel’s primary attraction is its character. It is distinct from any other establishment in the country, and the tranquil haven seems completely hidden from the bustling city outside. Indeed, upon entering the building the double glazing drowns out all traffic noise, and the crisp white, plush interior of the lobby creates an immediately fresh and cosy atmosphere. The shelves are lined with books on green living, and a computer is available for free use by guests.

This serene ambience is the defining feature of the hotel’s bedrooms. The twelve ‘Wellness’ and six ‘Wellness Premium’ suites are designed as individual spa retreats, each equipped with a Jacuzzi and therapeutic ‘Scottish shower’. Premium rooms also have a sauna and all bathrooms feature a luxury array of natural soaps, oils and lotions. The rooms are light and spacious and if desired, candles, chocolate and champagne can all be ordered from reception. Guests can enjoy breakfast in bed at no extra cost, whilst watching a DVD from the hotel’s library on the wide-screen television. The overall effect is that of a sumptuous, yet homely, environment which is further enhanced by a well-stocked mini bar and máquinas de la casa, such as an espresso machine and i-pod port.

The staff and managers maintain that this “filosofía de casa” is what makes Casa Calma such a wholly relaxing and satisfying experience. Nowhere is this philosophy more evident than in the hotel’s ‘Honesty Bar’. At any time, residents may help themselves to fruit, pastries, teas, juices and wines. They are trusted to record their pickings and pay the tab when they check out. Casa Calma’s cuisine is based on fresh, regional, organic produce, and the range of delicious meat, fish and pasta dishes are all prepared from scratch on the premises. Chef, Ignacio Sosa, describes the menu as: “Homemade meets sophisticated, and always hecho con amor.” He and his team promise to cook each dish to your preferred taste, “as you’d like it in your own home.”

Thus, he perfectly captures the essence of Casa Calma. As the hotel endeavours to provide the finest in calm comfort and eco-friendly luxury, guests are most importantly welcomed with open arms into a homely environment. A year on, the hotel’s philosophy is still refreshing. Whether you are holidaying in the capital, or looking for a weekend break from working in the city, Casa Calma promotes a “culture of wellbeing”, catering for the mind, body and above all, soul.

“I was 25 the first time I went.” says Esteban. “I didn’t want to have sex while my parents were at home, so I went to a telo with my girlfriend. It was fun, a good experience!”

Albergues transitorios or ‘telos’ as they are more commonly known, are a type of hotel where a person pays by the hour instead of the whole night. They are used by couples as a place to go to spend ‘intimate’ time together in a discreet and private manner. In other words, they have beds – but not much sleeping gets done. 

“I remember a long time ago I decided to stay in a telo the whole night with a girl but I couldn’t sleep because I could hear so many people in the surrounding rooms,” says Marco from Buenos Aires. “Plus I kept hearing the sound of women’s high heels clicking along the hallway.”

The concept often raises a few eyebrows among foreigners when they first hear about telos, with some even damning them as ‘seedy’ or ‘shameful’. But for Argentines, they are just as normal as your local convenience store or bank. They exist, and are legal and most people seem to like it that way.

“It’s a business like anything else here. The same as a supermarket,” says José, a 70-year-old employee of a telo in Constitución in Argentina’s capital. “It’s not shameful. We’re providing a service which people obviously want.” He has worked there for almost 35 years and really likes his job. “Of course I do, why would I still be working here after all this time?”

When asked more probing questions about interesting anecdotes of clients, he was very direct. “No no, I don’t know anything. The aim of a telo is privacy, for our customers. We allow them to be anonymous. They simply pay for the room then leave after their time is up, nothing more. I don’t know what goes on in there, well, apart from the obvious!”

Who uses them and why?

According to the official governmental chamber (CAPRAL) which represents albergues transitorios, there are 176 establishments in the capital alone. So who goes there and why?

“I was 18 the first time I went and the main reason was because we couldn’t go to our parent’s house,” says Alejandra from Tucumán. “He had a car and also we wanted to see what a telo was like.”

For many young people in Argentina it is difficult to find somewhere to spend time with a partner. “In Europe young people move out of their parent’s house when they’re much younger,” says Juan Ignacio from Mar del Plata. “Here it is more common to live with your parents until you have a job that pays well enough or you get married.”

But another main source of clients is the older generation. “The majority of people who come here are middle aged, maybe 60% of them,” says José. He estimates that about 90% of the older generation coming with a partner are not with their spouse. He quotes the age old cliché of people sleeping with the secretary.

“Oh yes, you  can see it all the time in the office,” proclaims Juan Ignacio. “These couples think we don’t know but it’s obvious. They say they’re going to get some lunch together and they come back from a telo and hour later with that expression on their face. It’s so blatant!”

“Affairs happen at work because you spend more time there than with your partner at home, so it’s bound to happen. And so at midday, telos are full of people going in and out in their suits,” adds Esteban.

Culture clash

Although there are equivalent hotels in Germany and Holland, they aren’t so common in Europe. While in the US, motels are famous for the unwritten rule of why people go there. But the definition of a motel is ‘a motor hotel’ and they are not specifically designed for sex. They are so cheap so it doesn’t matter if you spend the entire night or simply a few hours.

“We are more sexually liberal here in Argentina,” argues Esteban. “In Europe these places are less common  because Europeans don’t like to talk about sex or acknowledge it.”

Anna Wortman, a sociologist at the University of Buenos Aires, has her own view on Argentine society. “I think now people are becoming more liberal here and aren’t as ashamed of their sexuality, especially since the introduction of democracy. “However in Argentina we live by double moral standards. We’ll happily talk about telo experiences freely, but not who we go with!”

She argues that among the middle class families, parents still refuse to accept their children are sexually active; therefore they need to go to telos instead. For many, sex in the parental home is still a touchy subject.

“No I don’t feel comfortable having sex in my parent’s house if they are in, would you?” says Esteban. “Ok maybe in Europe or the US the parents acknowledge it and accept it more, but this has nothing to do with the existence of telos.

“The fact that your government says they’re illegal signals that something is wrong. That your society believes this kind of place is immoral, but to us this is not the case. We do not think there is anything wrong with telos. It’s not connected to what the parents think.”

Different experience

Maybe he’s right? Maybe we need telos, so that people for whatever reason they want, can go to one and not feel embarrassed or ashamed of any sexual activity. Some of the oldest, most established ones on the outskirts of the city have lavish, luxurious suites where couples can enjoy the spa, jacuzzi and any other treats that might be included in the price. They even have themed hotels where you can hire costumes or enter rooms from a different time or place. [See below]

Imagine taking some guy or gal where you can be either Tarzan or Jane? Cleopatra or Marc-Anthony? Whether it be ancient Rome or Egypt, these places have everything you can imagine.

However the majority of those found in the city centre of Buenos Aires seem to blur the lines been romantic and seedy. Upon entering one of these establishments the same question arises. Are plastic flowers, dimmed red lights and multi-coloured carpets romantic? The waiting rooms alone seem to misinterpret good taste with tackiness. But like any service, you pay for what you get. The price range and quality of surroundings varies dramatically, so choosing a particular telo should be a careful process. However for the majority, it’s not about the surroundings.

“Last week I went to a telo with a girl and it was too busy. I had to wait one hour for a room in the waiting area, one hour! And there were other people in the queue,” fumes Marcos, explaining his recent experience.

Most people are very open to talking about their telo experiences.

“And a friend of mine once saw his friend’s girlfriend coming out of one with another guy which was very funny. What are you supposed to say in this situation?” giggles Juan Ignacio.

“About six months ago I went to a telo and I ran into my ex-girlfriend leaving as I was arriving. It was so awkward but funny,” laughs Marcos as he tells me another of his numerous stories.

So what does the future hold for this apparently thriving business? Everyone agrees that they will continue to exist. “It’s a tradition, a custom in Argentina. So until we change our customs, it will remain the same,” affirms José, who has spent half of his life in one.

Big business

What is clear though is that albergues transitorios are evolving, like any other business. And what’s the secret to any successful business in our consumer driven society? Give the customers what they want!

“There are telos now which have suites only available for orgies. You can’t get in without at least five people. It’s true!” assures Alejandra.

“In Mar Del Plata, many of the telos turn into seasonal, family hotels in the summer to deal with rising demands from tourists,” says Juan Ignacio. “My friend turned up to one one night with a girl and the receptionist had to kindly explain to him that ‘it’s not that kind of place right now mate’.”

No matter how much you pay or where you go, every telo offers the same service – privacy. However the general décor and design of these establishments would suggest secrecy rather than privacy. The smaller, cheaper ones are discretely signposted and the larger, more luxurious places are located outside of the city. So why do these places have to be hidden from society when society acknowledges them as part of Argentine life? Is there an underlying factor of shame?

To Argentines, this is not the case as they believe that telos are important and relevant to society and have no problem discussing them. The bottom line is, they are quite happy with the plethora of amenities available to them 24 hours a day.

Telos with a Theme

Some telos are worth of more than just a one-hour visit, and recently the hotels have been going out of their way to come up with more and more extravagant themes and ideas to keep the clients coming again and again. Here’s our pick of five of the best.