It’s Friday again!

And as the cognitive dissonance in both sides of the political spectrum continues to split the Argentine society into two big antagonist magnets, here comes the Weekly News Roundup (click there and like our Facebook page, yes?) trying to maintain a level-headed opinion, a resort purposely designed to piss you off.

So, in order to escape the sad fate of becoming a cliche, I’m actually not going to take a position on what happened last night and will let you, my loyal scholars, choose one for me.

We all know confirmation bias is what makes you pick a newspaper over another. Knowing that you will agree with what the paper says beforehand grants you a false sense of momentaneous security. You need someone to tell you that your opinions are indeed accurate and it’s the others who are wrong.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

So you know how I’m always saying this country is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book? I think it’s time we put that into practice:

• 

  Probably your hand. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  If you think President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner is a hate-mongering “yegua” who deserves to be overthrown at all costs, proceed to the Anti-Government bullet point.

• If you think those repugnant Recoleta denizens are nothing but coup-mongers whose only concern is their inability to purchase US dollars and therefore deserve to die, proceed to the Pro-Government bulletpoint.

• Anti-Government rant: After years of unbearable oppressiveness and fearing the cold, metallic touch of Cristina’s iron fist, the destitute masses of Argentina finally made their voices heard and led a multitudinous, successful protest that spread all over the nation. People engaged in pot-banging activities (sounds like a junkie’s favorite sexual position but trust me, it’s not) to protest the current administration and course-correct the destiny of this country before it is too late (click here for the Indy’s awesome photo gallery on the story). TN was the only news network brave enough to show the ramifications of such an astounding social protest while over 100,000 people from all social strata took to the streets of Buenos Aires to oppose the Government’s plans to turn this country into Cuba or Venezuela. Yeah, that’s what happened. Now repeat after me: Zurdos! Vagos! Chorros! Use those insults on random people and evaluate their reaction. If you don’t end up in a coma, let me know what you learned.

• Pro-Government rant: Absolutely nothing happened last night. In fact, if you tuned in Canal 7 (state-owned channel) they were showing a documentary on birds (not a joke). But if something had actually happened, I’m sure it wouldn’t have mattered. It was just a bunch of dollar-hungry, rich, greedy, fascist, lame-excuse-of-a -human-being people trying to overthrow godsend President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner and her humble cabinet and replace them all with Emperor George W. Bush and Viceroy Queen Elizabeth II. Yeah, that’s what happened. Now repeat after me: Fachos! Cipayos! Gorilas! Use those insults on random people and evaluate their reaction. If you don’t end up in a coma, let me know what you learned.

• Also, if the Middle Class is looking to prove that their protests are legitimate, and that this is not related to the restrictions on the dollar, but is in response to the existing non-existing-inflation, the rise of criminal activities and Cristina’s unapologetic bullying attitude towards anyone who dares to dissent with her, let me just say that this is not helping.

• Oh, and neither does this.

• In case you’re wondering, “gatear” is what a female escort does. You’re welcome.

• Your favorite source for quotable information – besides this column – finally published an article on the ridiculous urban myth saying that you only need six pesos a day in order to eat in this country. Now, don’t get the Government wrong: their studies say that even though you can eat for such a risible amount of money, it still means you’re very poor. Let’s think of what we can buy with six pesos: a cheeseburger in Mc Donald’s a can of tuna a super pancho a bottle of beer a salad a banana a bottle of water. Fuck it, I give up.

• Or you can move to the San Juan province, where in their little parallel universe that urban myth seems to be working just fine.

• At least the people in the cacerolazo protests get to make fun of it.

• The average hard-working man continues to be ostracized and vilified by the system, as now due to the severe government restrictions in the currency exchange market sector, PayPal Argentina has announced that it is disabling all transactions between domestic accounts. It seems locals, smart as they are, had found a way to bypass the restrictions and withdraw dollars in the US from their accounts in Argentina. And since this probably makes the AFIP tax agency sad, PayPal decided to react accordingly against the seven Argentines who actually know what PayPal is.

• Oh and don’t worry expats, foreign transactions are still active. So your parents can still transfer money into your local accounts. Stop whining.

• This one’s for you, girls: You know how your parents always warn you about checking your drinks when going out because of the rape drug? Well now you have something else to fear when drinking that tasty caipirinha. In the city of Santa Fe, a girl suffered severe internal burns after a bartender mistook dry Lye for sugar and put it in her drink. Smart move, bartender! “I’ll just leave this acid that looks like sugar right next to the actual sugar.” It’s like the Itchy & Scratchy show, only less original.

• Did you guys have fun last Sunday afternoon pretending that controlling your breathing for fifteen minutes in Palermo was somehow going to change your life for the better? Well I’m glad you did. But you know who didn’t have a good time though? Your very own (im)personal guru and messiah of meditation, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who was questioned by the AFIP tax agency as he was trying to escape leave the country.

• Also, if the more than 100,000 people who spent last Sunday afternoon relaxing in the park are the same who four days later were foaming at the mouth because of the Government policies, then not to be a party pooper but whatever it is you did to relax didn’t actually work.

• Remember disgraced boxer Rodrigo “Hiena” Barrios, who in 2010 caused an accident while driving inebriated in
  

  You’ll never look at a caipirinha the same way again. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  Mar del Plata and ended the life of a pregnant woman and her unborn child? It turns out that as he appeals his four-year sentence, a local court decided to give him back his driver’s license. I mean, come on, it’s not like the guy did it on purpose! He was drunk! You can’t blame him for that! Oh, but the public outrage was too much, so the Government decided to ban him from sitting behind a wheel again, and all of this in just one day! So now he is forced to hop on the bus completely drunk and sit on his own vomit until he gets home, just like the rest of us (expect for the killing part).

• Check your calendars, everyone! Because 2010 is making a comeback and it ain’t pretty. You see, the once invincible Dancing With The Stars is suddenly tanking in the ratings, and Marcelo Tinelli is not happy. It seems that after a 6-year slumber, the Argentine population has said “Enough!” to cheap scandals and mediocre dancing and begun changing to channel to happier, more preppy story lines, like the hit show of the moment “Graduados,” which is like Beverly Hills 90210, only worse (and I’m not talking about the recent series reboot, I’m talking about the original one. Seriously, who could you watch that crap?). In a desperate attempt to regain his squandered glory, Tinelli decided to bring back current nemesis and former pariah Ricardo Fort, who was exultant to retake the place he was fired from two years ago, even if only for a day. So in all honesty I’m not really sure what this post is all about. I just wanted you to know that Bailando por un Sueño is losing big, and it feels really good. The only way they’ll ever have another peak in the ratings is by bringing on stage some huge international star like, I don’t know, Madonna.

• DAMN IT!!!!

• And in case you haven’t been following Ricardo Fort’s recent incursions into the realm of legitimate musical theater, here he is doing The Lion King and Jesus Christ Superstar. You’re welcome to decide which one is more offensive.

• No, yeah, definitely the Jesus one.

• Also, thank God for this.

• And by the way, someone needs to edit the Graduados Wikipedia page in English. That thing is a mess.

• [Warning: shameless plug coming up] Before we finish, have you RSVP’d to attend our Buenos Aires Underground Market event tomorrow? We’re all going to be there sampling food and drinking like crazy, so why not join us for a while? It starts at noon and finishes at 5 pm. You have no excuse. [End of shameless plug].

• I know, I’m such a corporate whore.

• Have you noticed how I haven’t talked much about football lately? Either nothing is happening (unlikely) or I’m not paying enough attention (pretty likely). Whatever the case may be, here you go:

• This is hardly news because it happens every day, but one of the leaders of the Independiente hooligans has been shot. Now, that link is four days old so I’m not sure if he made it or not. Honestly I’m having brunch in an hour and can’t be bothered to find out. You figure it out yourself, mk? Consider it homework.

• Argentina gave us a lackluster performance in a game against Peru this week, which according to my sources (Wikipedia) was a World Cup qualifying match. The game ended 1-1 and everyone engaged in some fun, harmless homophobic behavior, with a fake photo of Lionel Messi telling Peruvians to go “eat it” via Twitter and some Peruvian player I never heard of calling him and Gonzalo Higuaín “little girls.” Whatever.

• No wonder I never talk about football.

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrbono@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

And don’t forget to like the Weekly News Roundup on Facebook, so we don’t have to keep reminding you about this every Friday.

It’s Friday again!

And before you start reading, let me kindly suggest that you go get your news somewhere else.

No, I’m not kidding. I’m serious. Go read about something that really matters, like how your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s zodiacal sign means he/she is prone to infidelity.

Because honestly, there’s not much to read here this week. Everything you read will basically redirect you to two things: either the Malvinas/Falklands conflict or football.

And quite frankly, I think you and I have had enough of that.

So this week I had to face an impossible decision: either I didn’t write the column in order to let the Government know that this inherent lack of tomfoolery is like slamming my fired up creativity into a cold, refreshing pool of water, or I wrote it anyway and waited for the hate mail to start pouring in.

“You always talk about the same thing, man!”

You know what I mean.

So, after cogitating for some time about professionalism and respect for my loyal readers, I understandably took the high road and decided to tell you all to go fuck yourselves and go out for a beer.

So now I’m hung over and, for some reason, still writing this column even though I originally decided against it.

I was going somewhere with all this but I’ve lost my train of thought.

Thanks for nothing, readers.

This is what you need to- Oh yeah! Now I remember. Like I said, this week this column is mostly about the Malvinas and football. So there. Take it or leave it.

This is what you need to know:

• 

  Yes. I already used this photo a few months ago. If you have a better idea for a photo this week, you know where to write. I won’t care but you know where to write. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  This week saw the 30th anniversary of the end of the Malvinas/Falklands War (See? Malvinas. Told you.) and of course the bilateral acrimony between Argentina and the United Kingdom was emanating strongly from both sides of the ocean. So here’s everything that happened in a nutshell, so we can get this out of the way fast and move to other more important things, like football.

• David Cameron, that cheeky British prime minister, thought that in order to piss off the Argentines even more on the day of the anniversary, it would be a good idea to fly the Falklands’ flag on top of 10 Downing Street. Very subtle way of saying “Fuck you”, sir. Congrats. You truly are a gentleman.

• On that same day, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner flew to New York to attend a conference at the United Nations, where the Special Committee on Decolonization regularly functions. “Regularly” of course being used ironically since in international relations the SCD is considered to be obsolete, but whatever. She spoke, she didn’t say anything new, once again asked the UK to give peace a chance and then urged the British government to engage in dialogue. Because dialogue is the only way that this will ever be solved. OK? OK. Now read the next bullet point.

• Once her speech was over, a representative of the islands’ government approached Foreign Minister Héctor Timerman and tried to hand him a letter addressed to Cristina in which he asked her to talk to them in order to discuss the islands’ sovereignty. Timerman said no. You guys didn’t think that whole dialogue bullshit was true, right? Because it’s not. Well, now the islanders are upset. Which means that there’s no possibility of a rapprochement anytime soon and I will still have to write about this stuff in the future. Fuck my life.

• Meanwhile, in the Malvinas/Falklands: the islanders, probably tired of being ignored by the international community, announced they would conduct a referendum on the islands in order to “put this sovereignty fuckery to rest once and for all.” Well, they didn’t say it like that, but that’s what they meant. So that’s great, guys! However, there’s no need to “announce” you’re gonna do it. Just do it! Considering the islands have a population of like, 12 people, you just go to the local pub and tell the parishioners to raise their hands and count. That’s it! Referendum ready.

• I’m kidding, islanders! I know you’re more than 12 people! I also know you read my weekly rants, so I’m sorry, but if everyone else falls then you don’t get to leave this column unscathed.

• This week, in non-Malvinas related news: the Interior Ministry announced the creation of a new passport that will cost 400 pesos and will include a state-of-the-art chip that Argentina hopes will persuade nations such as the US, Canada or Australia from asking citizens for a visa before they travel there. The good news is that since dollars are basically impossible to find anywhere in this country, Argentines weren’t even thinking of going there in the first place. See? Everybody happy.

• **UPDATE** The US has already replied by saying “Thanks! But no thanks.”

• Apparently the cacerolazos are still happening, even though no one is actually aware of them. Not content with last week’s fiasco, which failed to galvanize the anti-Kirchnerite segment of the population, a few angry people decided to come out yesterday and bang their frying pans and teapots in order to demand access to their dollars protest corruption. Fortunately this time they had the help of former mayoral candidate and absolutely crazy person Guillermo Cherashny (did you click on that? You should. Want another one? Here’s another one). I’m not sure what Cherashny, a journalist who really did run for mayor of Buenos Aires, was doing there in the first place but if his protest methodologies are indication of anything, I’m certain the cacerolazos will eventually become a “thing”. After all, who could forget his You Tube video aimed at Hewlett-Packard in which he decides to take action against his laptop computer (did you click on that? You should.)?

• Also, since we are talking about protests and injustice, can anyone give this guy a hand? You see, former railway worker Luis Alberto Ninona has been indicted along with many others in the case investigating the Once railway tragedy that took the lives of 51 people last February. So understandably, Mr. Ninona is not allowed to leave the country, as he is suspected of being responsible of manslaughter. But, alas! His lawyer announced that he has all these (I assume, frequent flier) “miles” accumulated and he needs to used them before they expire for a little vacation in Punta Cana, where he’ll be sipping piña coladas for a few days only to eventually return to explain why he’s not kind of responsible for so many deaths. The prosecutor, clearly a bad person, has already said he will not let him leave Argentina for a trip with his family. Can any of you give this guy a hand? Anyone? No? Shame on you.

• Now here’s a piece of news that could be considered a semiotician’s wet dream: do you know who Richard Stallman is? Well, in case you’re too lazy to even click on that link to Wikipedia, let’s just say he’s a computer programmer who was become globally known as the leader of the “free software” movement. (also known as “people who want free shit”). You may recall reading about Mr. Stallman last year after he stirred quite a controversy when he said “he wasn’t glad Steve Jobs was dead but he was glad he was gone.” Still don’t know him? OK, never mind. Anyway, Mr. Stallman was invited to speak about free software at the UBA School of Economics last Friday and, predictably, had his personal computer, passport, medication and travel money stolen while he was giving his conference! So… karma? You know what, I take back what I said at the beginning. This week was amazingly funny.

• At long, last! After six interminable months devoid of music, dancing, and masturbatory material, the biggest TV show in the history of poor quality TV shows is back! (No, kids! I’m not talking about Ricardo Fort‘s megalomaniac extravaganza “Fort Night Show.” That one actually begins in eight days and it already looks like it’s gonna suck). I’m talking about the local version of Dancing With The Stars of course! The impressive opening last Monday, which lasted over 12 minutes, and I must admit is worth watching, featured the entire cast of Game of Thrones dancing to the tunes of Madonna, Adele, LMFAO and Michael Jackson. So it was pretty much the gayest 12-minutes in the history of television. Too bad after minute 13 it’s all downhill until December.

• By the way, if you’re not a pop culture connoisseur or you just arrived in this country and have no idea who Ricardo Fort is, let me just say that if Willy Wonka and The Situation from The Jersey Shore met at a bar one night and decided to have sex, he would be their illegitimate spawn. If you still don’t get the picture, here’s his already classic rendition of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance,” which I have posted here a thousand times and will continue to post until I’m dead. Or he ‘s dead. Whichever comes first.

• Also, in unrelated news but somehow totally related: for months this image went viral on every social network last year, saying that every time you start watching Dancing With The Stars (hosted by Marcelo Tinelli) a book kills itself. So in some kind of poetic -yet depressing- twist of fate, last Monday night at 3:30 am and only a few hours after the Dancing With The Stars premiere was over, a water pipe in the Library of the City Legislature “mysteriously” broke and destroyed more than 13,000 invaluable books forever.

• Horror! For the first time in its 142 years, and in order to further perpetuate the notion (well… your notion) that this country is turning into North Korea, your favorite newspaper in the whole world (La Nación) failed to reach the newsstands due to a union conflict (workers demanding better salaries). So no, this time it wasn’t the Government trying to destroy free speech. Next week maybe, but not this time.

• This week saw the death of yet another singer you couldn’t care less about, this time was Memphis La Blusera‘s Adrian Otero. Since I know that you didn’t care about Estela Raval’s death last week and you don’t care about Otero’s death this week, let’s just be practical and move on. Sorry, everyone. There’s just no point in any of this.

• The reckless endangerment in this country continues, this time in the so-called “Poncho Rally (?)” in Catamarca. The good news is that, even though the driver could have killed dozens of bystanders that were casually standing on the side of the road, this time the only one getting kind of killed is him.

• Don’t worry, I said “kind of killed,” not “killed”. You can laugh without feeling any guilt.

• As signs of an impending zombie apocalypse continue to surface all over the world, a widow in Buenos Aires seems to have fully embraced the concept and decided to pimp the crypt in which her late husband is buried. She even has cable TV and everything! Now don’t laugh. Necrophilia is in this year. Don’t you watch True Blood? It’s basically a show about dead people fucking each other and so far I haven’t heard a qualm. It’s 2012, get over it.

• Shocking! The very aptly named “Happy Planet Index” shows that on the list of happiest countries on Earth, Argentina comes No. 17! You guys, that’s awesome! See? I told you those cacerolazos were nonsense. Everyone is happy here! Now, I have no idea how this is measured, how rigorous these studies are or how much bullshit factor is involved (not because I couldn’t find it, it’s all right there on the website. I just couldn’t be bothered to look it up). All I know is that if you live in the US, Mongolia or some landlocked African nation, chances are you are pretty pissed off right now.

• That cute little alpine town at the end of the world that you love so much (Ushuaia) is seemingly entering the Ice Age once again. Tierra del Fuego authorities reported that only last week it had already snowed half of what they would usually get in an entire season! People had to be evacuated and roads were closed, leaving the town completely isolated from the rest of the world. I’m not willing to bet on it, but I’m sure the people from the Happy Planet Index did not go all the way down there to ask how things were doing. Just saying.

• This week, in sports that I hate: Argentine football continues to
  

  Football. I fucking hate it. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  spiral down into utter chaos while I rub my hands in delight at the prospect of seeing that ignominious sport cancelled or constitutionally banned for good. Let’s read about it, shall we?

• River Plate is fucked. No, for real this time. As if last year’s relegation to the National B had not been enough, 2012 seems to be slapping fans in the face with a sledgehammer. Last Sunday, before a match between River Plate and some team named Boca Unidos that at first I thought it was Boca Juniors but then I realized it was not, two of River’s hooligan factions clashed inside the stadium, leaving one of them dead. That’s right, these guys are killing each other and they even root for the same team! The murderer was arrested today in Mendoza. So smart, these guys.

• **UPDATE** The internet peoples have kindly pointed out that, contrary to what the local media initially said, the stab victim was actually not a member of a hooligan faction. He was just a fan. Now, since I usually don’t give a shit about football I would have let it slide, but in this case we’re talking about someone’s death and this information had to be corrected.

• As rumors that the River Plate stadium could be shut down due to the murder were abound, a new controversy exploded this week after a player from the ignotus (at least for me) team Patronato de Paraná or something like that casually dropped during a press conference that River Plate authorities had offered them “incentives” (i.e. bribes) to win a match against Rosario Central for some reason. The nationwide outrage was immediate and now, if the accusations are proven true, River Plate could be facing a 4-month to 2-year suspension from all football activities. Oh, come on guys. That wouldn’t be so bad! I mean, there’s always tennis.

• A game between Gimnasia de la Plata and Ferro had to be suspended after someone, who I swear to God was not me but totally could have been, called in a bomb threat.

• Yeah, sorry. No Wikipedia links to Gimnasia de la Plata or Ferro. Oh, they do exist. I just didn’t care to do it.

• Diego Maradona, whose opinion for some reason that escapes logic still matters, felt compelled to intervene in Argentina’s favorite pastime: insulting Lionel Messi. ”If people here keep making his life miserable here, Messi is going to stay there (Spain) and never come back to Argentina,” he said. Haha! Maradona, you silly. What makes you think he ever wants to come back in the first place? You’re funny. You’re a funny guy. Why don’t you go back to winning trophies instead of talking about stuff no one cares about? Oh, that’s right.

• Last but not least: remember a couple of weeks ago when Frankenstein led a hooligan protest against the head of the Independiente club after he launched his own personal crusade to diminish the power of those deranged football fanatics? Well, he’s back! And this time, the man who goes by the non-threatening sobriquet “Bebote” (Big baby), may not be wearing a Frankenstein mask, but chose an equally intimidating fashion item: the pibe chorro hoodie. Not only that, he tried to face the bellwether president of the club, Javier Cantero, outside his club at night while the TV cameras were rolling. The result is scary and hilarious at the same time.

• So here I am, cigar in one hand, glass of port in the other, as I watch the world of Argentine football collapse upon its own gravity, like a decadent black hole struggling to survive its unavoidable fate while ravaging everything on its path. And I couldn’t be more ecstatic.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

And remember to like this column on Facebook!

Send Adrian your comments, thoughts or tips at adrianbono@hotmail.com or follow him on Twitter at @AdrianBono

On 11^th May, police shut down and inspected a school following a bomb threat. As a school with connections to the first division football club Independiente, it was widely suspected that football hooligans were behind the threat.

Violence in futbol, an issue needing to be solved (Photo: Parisa)

Just over one week later, another group of hooligans (barras bravas in Latin America) waited for Giovanni Moreno, a player for football team Racing Club, after a training session. Threatening to end his career if he did not leave the team, they pointed a gun at  his knee and warned: “Things will get worse for you if you don’t.”

In the same month, Independiente’s vice-president Claudio Keblaitis and members of his family received death threats, while the death of Daniel Sosa, 21, grabbed the media’s attention. On Monday, the death of Gonzalo Saucedo, also 21, added to the exhaustive list of victims of football violence.

Argentina’s long-standing and highly complex problem of football violence is spiralling out of control, and has been thrown sharply into focus this year. Left unresolved for decades by the national government and the Argentine Football Association, (AFA) the issue has reached a tipping point.

Cantero and the Fight for Independiente

Nizzardo, head of NGO Salvemos al Futbol (Photo: Agus Carini)

The recent election of Javier Cantero as president of Independiente in December 2011 has brought the issue of football violence to the fore. After pledging to put a stop to the money and support given to the club’s particularly violent band of barras bravas by his predecessor,  Cantero’s personal campaign may have finally incited action against the problem.

“Cantero and what he is doing has created a lot of noise in the news, and we’re applauding him,” says Monica Nizzardo, from Salvemos Al Futbol (Let’s Save Football). Having founded the non-governmental organisation that has been working to tackle violence and corruption in Argentine football for the last six years, Nizzardo has been collaborating closely with Cantero for two years.

“We’re making a step forward with Cantero. In six years, there has only been one Cantero, and we need to move forward and continue with the struggle.”

Cantero met with members of the AFA and the national government last week to discuss solutions to the violence, but Nizzardo is doubtful of how willing the government are to tackle the issue.

“What I see is a farce. [The government and AFA] are trying to look like they’re doing something. They’ll say, we’ll do a meeting, but it’s a farce. Where’s the action?”

An Escalating Business of Violence, Money and Power

Far from a recent phenomenon, football violence goes hand-in-hand with the nation’s most beloved sport. With the first football-related death recorded in 1924, Argentina has almost witnessed a staggering 100 years of football hooliganism.

Emerging as a more organised brand of hooliganism in the 50s and 60s, each major and minor club in the country has a corresponding group of barras bravas, with some of the most violent hooligans affiliating with River Plate, Independiente, and Boca.

Originally, barras bravas provided guaranteed support for clubs at matches, as well as physical force on hand for club managers. Starting with certain privileges such as free transport to matches or an asado at a game, the power, influence and demands of the barras bravashave been growing at an alarming rate.

Fans in action at a football match (Photo: Nacho AKD)

“As they began to demand more and more privileges, they would see how using violence got them things,” notes Nizzardo. “They would see how people became cowards in front of them, and give them what they wanted.” 

Typically earning money through selling merchandise, tickets, refreshments, controlling car parking at higher profile matches, and often receiving a cut of a player’s transfer fee, hooliganism in Argentina is a lucrative business.

And it is business that is at the core of the issue. With many football clubs having two competing factions of barras bravas, the never-ending violence has become a battle for money and power.

“It’s not a fight of passion, or to fight for who is better in a rivalry,” says Nizzardo adamantly. “No, they are fighting for money. There are often two factions in the same barra. Obviously they are not fighting for their team. They are fighting for money and power, for the power that money gives them.”

A Tangled Web of Vested Interests

But while the phenomenon has been changing and the levels of violence increasing, the national government and the AFA have done nothing to solve the issue plaguing Argentine football.

For experts working on the issue, two hindering factors have become increasingly evident: impunity in the justice system and the longstanding and central issue of corruption – particularly the link between politics and football violence.

The stadium of Boca Juniors Club (Photo: Elemaki)

Gustavo Grabia, an expert on the subject and author of The 12: The True History of Boca Hooligans, has stated that “in Argentina, hooligans have worked for all the different political parties since they were created […] A lot of [barras bravas] supported the military government in the seventies, like “El Negro” Thompson in Quilmes, and then they became supporters of Alfonsín, Menem, Duhalde and now Kirchner.” With their different and often contrasting ideologies, it becomes clear that barras bravas work for money and impunity, regardless of the cause.

This unique link between politics and the barras bravas makes the issue of hooliganism in Argentina far more complex than football violence in other countries, particularly those in Europe.

European specialist Otto Adang summed up the complexity of Argentina’s own brand of football violence. In a talk given in 2009 he stated that “the European solution is useless in Argentina. European hooligans were misfits that got together in groups with no relationship with the government whatsoever. In Argentina, hooligans are part of the business: they take part in the buying and selling of footballers, manage things like merchandising […] and have astonishing political connections.”

Just as football managers would use barras bravas for a display of support, politicians similarly employ the hooligans to raise a flag at matches, or to boost numbers at demonstrations, in exchange for money, power and total impunity.

“A book came out in the Feria del Libro that spoke about INDEC [the national statistics office, suspected of irregularities], by writer Gustavo Noriega,” Nizarro recounts, “and the barra of Chicago club went there to break up the presentation of the book because it spoke badly about this government worker, [Domestic Trade Minister Guillermo] Moreno. We couldn’t believe what we were seeing, a barra openly working for Moreno.”

Football violence has become a much bigger issue than violence and danger in stadiums. The head of River Plate was recently told by a barra brava from his own club: “I respond to Moreno.” With hooligans no longer answering to club managers, but to politicians, the issue is not just in the hands of club managers, even if they carry a huge portion of the blame up until now.

“The relation with politics is making this harder. The heads of the clubs say, ‘I’m reporting things but they are working for political parties. Who is going to protect me?’” says Nizarro

Nizarro states "the relation with politics is making this harder" (Photo: Agus Carini)

In the case of the Argentine justice system, experts have continually criticised its passive role in football violence. With most football-related incidents going unpunished, the sense of impunity is high, and families of victims of football violence are all too often left with no sense of justice.

For Grabia, the justice system is just as at fault as the deep level of corruption, and states “we have to say that judges do not take this issue very seriously.” He notes that, with no special court for football violence, cases are often sent to courts that also deal with rape, murder, theft, or abductions. Since football-related incidents are typically categorised as “injuries in fight,” they are often not considered important enough. Grabia claims that “all the [club managers] know that they have impunity, and so do police officers.”

A Complex Problem with an Obvious Solution

Margaret Thatcher once asked the English footballer Bert Millichip: “What are you doing to keep our society free from your hooligans?” to which he replied: “What are you doing to keep your hooligans out of our football?”

With the issue of politics at the crux of the situation, and with football violence currently in the spotlight, Argentina now faces the huge challenge of eradicating a damaging but integral part of football.

The concrete solution is glaringly obvious to those such as Nizzardo and Grabia who have dedicated themselves to the issue: to permanently break the link between the barras and politicians. With a handful of other basic strategies such as official sale of tickets and identification of those entering stadiums, levels of violence and impunity can also be brought down.

“The biggest thing we need is the political will to disarm the mafias that are attached to each club, which are funded by businessmen who want the clubs to become businesses,” says Nizzardo. “They in turn are financed by politicians because they are used as a workforce to help them. The government knows it needs a strategic and integral plan, not just attacking the heads of the football clubs, who do also have to take part of the responsibility.”

The government undoubtedly has the resources and the ability to investigate the issue. But the real question is whether politicians are seriously willing to stamp out this business of violence that has claimed 261 lives so far.

What do Argentines think should be done about football violence? Click here to find out.

The world of Argentine football  is plunging into a spiral of violence with recent reports of death threats and gunpoint assaults of players and club managers.

Javier Cantero, the president of Independiente football club, who is fighting a personal battle against the ferocious hooligans of his own team, said he feels increasingly isolated, La Nación newspaper wrote today.

Yesterday, three hooligans threatened Racing Club’s Colombian player Giovanni Moreno with a revolver as he left the training pitch. “You gotta put more balls in it,” they allegedly said according to Federico Santander, another Racing player who was with Moreno at the time of the aggression.

“If not, everything will be more complicated.” Pointing the gun at his knee, the aggressors also told him to leave the club if he did not want his career ruined once for all.

According to Argentine media, football hooligans also threatened four managing directors of another club, River Plate, including its president Daniel Passarella. “The premier league or dead,” was allegedly the threat reported by many news sources, in reference to the club’s promotion efforts.

Interviewed by Telam, however, Passarella denied the allegations saying that it was all a “bunch of lies.”

After meeting with the club representatives, menaced football player Moreno decided not to file a case against his aggressors, nor did Turnes, Bravo and Mancusi – respectively vice-president, secretary and spokesperson of the River Plate football club.

There is also the ongoing case of the harsh confrontation between Independiente hooligans and the club’s president, Javier Cantero.

In an exclusive interview with La Nación, Cantero said that if in his club “hooligans are repudiated, at Boca some hooligans are photographed and some of them are asked autographs.

“The support towards us is global. We don’t feel lonely. It’s a social problem; some people idolise the subverted moral values of the hooligans’ leaders. […] No one called me to express his sympathy, but I reckon they will in the next hours,” Cantero declared.

Relations between the barrabravas (football hooligans) and Cantero have becoming increasingly tense since he took leadership. Due to a bomb threat by suspected football hooligans on 11^th May, police shut down and inspected a school linked to Independiente Club, a first division club from Avellaneda, a city south of Buenos Aires.

Hooligans accuse their president of illegitimately detaining the club flags carrying the colours of Independiente, something considered an act of extreme outrage in the hooligans’ code of honour.

His second in line, vicepresident Claudo Keblaitis, recently received death threats and asked for 30 days leave due to the distressing situation.

Today Police shut down and inspected a school linked to the Independiente football club due to a bomb threat by suspected football hooligans.

Claudio Ciancio, the club’s administrative secretary, reported that two employees of Independiente club were threatened there “would be a bomb concealed to explode in the morning,” by a self-identified male fan between 3pm-4pm yesterday.

Hooligans warned that unless flags carrying the colours of the club were returned to the Independiente fans, they would plant bombs in the school attached to the club. “If they don’t return the flags, we will make them fly,” the hooligans were reported to have said in Infobae.

A bomb squad raided the school around 8am this morning, looking for the device, but found nothing. Police are still preventing school children from entering the school.

The school, attended by 1400 children, is located on the crossroad of Alsina and Bochini, just metres from the stadium.

Relations between the BarraBravas (football hooligans) and club president, Javier Cantero, are becoming increasingly tense ever since he took leadership.

This evening, at 7pm, there will be a march to support Javier Cantero. The leader of the BarraBravas has organised a counter march an hour before at 6pm.

“The security agencies told us that they will take the necessary measures so that those who come will not suffer any problems,” said Caincio, talking about the march.

“I know you don’t read the news, but it’s friday, I know this.

So I’m going to educate you today.

‘Cause it’s friday, you ain’t got no (real) job,

and you ain’t got shit to do – till 1am when you head to Pacha Jet!”

Did you enjoy that opening? It was a contribution by over-enthusiastic reader Mychael H.

Great job Mychael! I’m gonna put it right here on the refrigerator door. And those who didn’t like it, take it up with him.

Now here’s everything you need to know:

Transgender people throughout the country celebrated that once again equality comes first. (Photo/Wikipedia)

• This week Congress seemed to remember that they are supposed to do something and passed two very important laws. First, the “Gender Identity” law, which seeks to provide citizens the power to “freely develop their personalities in accordance with their gender identity,” and the right “to be treated according to their gender identity.” This, of course, includes their DNI, which will have to state their gender of choice.

• The second law passed is the “Dignified Death” law, which grants terminally-ill patients the “right to express their will concerning the refusal of surgical procedures, artificial reanimation or life-support treatment.” This excludes, however, euthanasia and assisted suicide. Pretty fucking good, eh? Pretty fucking good… (except for religious conservatives, who are running in circles as we speak, horrified by society’s continuous moral decay). So while in the Northern Hemisphere half of the United States is kind of entering the 21st century and North Carolina is going back to the Dark Ages, Argentina breezes in to the 23rd century, maybe.

• And now onto the Brits. They are pissed, you know? And rightfully so, since that Malvinas “Olympics” ad was kind of uncalled for. Sure, it poses a legitimate claim and it helps maintain the Malvinas sovereignty debate alive, but it also brings a political debate into the Olympics ecochamber, which we all know is verboten, even though it has been happening since Nazi Germany, when Jesse Owens (a black guy!) won a gold medal and Adolf Hitler pissed his pants in anger. So the political cognoscenti vowed revenge against the Argentine population and shot back with their ultimate weapon: this.

• Are you kidding me? From all the things you could use to mock Argentina you chose to make fun of… tardiness? I mean, this country is comedy gold and all you could think of was that? OK, at the risk of being deemed a traitor by the Argentine population, let me give you some advice on what you can make fun of next time you want to mock Argentina:

• What Cristina looked like before surgeries.
• Maradona’s 1986 infamous “hand of God” goal.
• The couple who married under the Maradonian church. And yes, that is an actual wedding. Not a joke.
• Argentina’s Nazi past. Next time you enter the Luna Park stadium to enjoy some random concert, keep in mind that 74 years ago, the place looked like this. And that’s not a joke either.
• Mayor Mauricio Macri‘s cringe-inducing, embarrassing rendition of Queen’s “We Will Rock You”. And yes, that actually happened.
• The fact that these sideburns were president from 1989 to 1999.
• The fact that every 80′s movie in Argentina was a ripoff from a Hollywood blockbuster or a hit American TV series. Here are some excerpts of the local versions of: “Alf“, “ET“, “Ghostbusters” (or “Thriller”, if you will), “Airplane!“, and Robocop. Also, I may or may not have one or more of those movies on DVD.
• Finally: please don’t send me emails saying “Legitimate claim? Bla bla bla islands are British bla bla bla self-determination.” I already know all that and I still don’t care.

• President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, of course, was offended at the British for being offended. Here’s her speech about it. Just so you know, she doesn’t say anything she hasn’t said a million times before. She rants about how creativity is a lot better than bombing other countries. A false analogy that I personally loved.

• Sure, now that the YPF expropriation bill has been passed no one in the country cares about it anymore. But the European Union has a long memory, and even though this whole thing happened like ten days ago the political confederation refuses to forget, and this week they warned that retaliation is imminent. Whatever it is they do, let’s hope it’s better than that fucking “tardiness” ad.

• Another dead body found in the Bosques de Palermo area. You sure you still wanna go jogging there? Because it’s all starting to sound a little too much like a scene from The Silence of the Lambs.

• Here’s another photo you can add to Vice-President Amado Boudou‘s Infamous Hall of Infamy, back from when he was a DJ for the fashion world. How he ended up in politics, we may never know. The photo joins other unforgettable classics, such as “Tongue Vs. Tongue” and “Drunk in my underwear.” Enjoy!

• “But this has no information value!“, you say? Oh please. As if you really came here every Friday to be informed.

• Are you one of the millions of Movistar users whose life was seriously endangered for several hours when the company’s service went down a couple of months ago and people couldn’t update their Twitter accounts? If you are not, then skip this, this doesn’t concern you. If you are, then congrats! The wait is over and after many days of great injustice and abandonment, you’re being reimbursed $10 (pesos, not dollars) for all the trouble caused. Yay, Capitalism.

• Are you one of the millions of Claro users whose life was seriously endangered for several hours when the company’s service went down on Wednesday and people couldn’t update their Twitter accounts? If you’re not, then skip this, this doesn’t concern you. If you are, then you’re fucked. Yeah, that’s right. Claro outsmarted Movistar this week, and after many users complained about a massive service disruption the company blamed the Macri administration, accusing some City workers of accidentally “severing a fiber optics cable.” Sure, the Government is again considering a fine against the company, but they have warned that this case is “different” because it somehow accused Macri of fucking something up *wink, wink*.

• Are you a Personal user? Then watch out, you’re next.

• Next time you brag about how cool and elegant it is to live in Recoleta, remind me to bring this up so I can call you a destitute and shut you up for good.

• This guy died, and even though you never heard of / cared for him, it was a pretty big deal because he was one of Argentina’s most beloved cartoonist. Honor him by at least clicking on that link. You don’t even have to read the story, just click on it so you can at least pretend you care.

• Fame hath no glory! Last year it was Justin Bieber and the baseless, shameless accusations that he had
  

  This is the (possible) rapist Wachiturro, not to be confused with the other five Wachiturros who look exactly the same. In fact, I’m not even sure this is the one in trouble, but this is the only photo Wikipedia had to offer, so fuck it. (Photo/Wikipedia)

  impregnated one of his fans, which not only is ridiculous because Justin is like, the best guy in like, EVER and he would never do that, but also because he’s still like fifteen years away from producing sperm. So now, of course, it happened to one of the country’s youngest, brightest talents: Wachiturros smokin’ hot member DJ Memo. Mr. Memo was arrested (and later released on bail) in Santiago del Estero last Sunday after allegedly trying to rape a 13-year-old, who happened to be the daughter of a police officer. Lies, all lies! Also, probably true.

• By the way, considering that two months ago another Wachiturro was arrested before boarding a plane in a Chilean airport for cleverly making a joke about having a bomb or something stupid like that, I guess this means the boy band is now down to only four members. Come back in a few months when two of them are killed while trying to rob a bank and the boy band is downgraded to a duet.

• Also, that former playmate that caused a stir after appearing at a Mexican presidential debate last Sunday is, of course, Argentine.

• In the non-important news department (football), the Argentine Football Association (AFA) has announced a series of changes in their tournaments that I really don’t give a flying fuck about. But since you probably do, here’s some (probably inaccurate) info: Starting in the 2012/2013 season, the new Argentine championship tournament (thanks, Twitter nitpickers) will be divided in two tournaments, each one of them containing 19 rounds. The Apertura and Clausura tournaments will be re-branded “Inicial” and “Final” tournaments, and their respective winners will clash in a final match that will decide the fate of humanity.

• I don’t mean to brag, but I wrote that whole paragraph by myself, no help! OK, I had help. I pretty much stole the whole thing from here and just translated it. Whatever.

• Now here’s an idea that I’m sure is gonna go far: the AFA, that lugubrious nest full of backstabbing vultures, is “studying” the implementation of a possible new system labeled “AFA Plus” aimed at stopping “the power and influence of the barra bravas (or ‘hooligans’) in the Argentine football.” The idea is to register every single football club member and whoever has a history of violence will not be allowed into the game. The anti-hooligan movement was sparked by Independiente president Javier Cantero who said he was sick and tired of violence and is leading a personal crusade against them. Good luck with that! I mean, have you clicked on that Wikipedia link for barra bravas? Despite their absolutely hilarious names in English (“The heavy of the Port”, “The Drunkard of the Stand“), these guys are blood-thirsty goons that will not hesitate to kill you if you stand in their way. And considering that according to that Wikipedia page there’s like a million of them, stopping them means no more audience. Can you imagine? It would be like a dream come true (for me).

• Oh, shit. Here we go.

El Superclásico, played every year between Boca Juniors and River Plate, is rightly acclaimed as one of the world’s sporting highlights. The Guardian newspaper included in a list of the “sporting events to see before you die”, and for tourists the game appears in every guidebook as something to experience while in Buenos Aires.

Just over the Riachuelo in nearby Avellaneda however, the game passes almost unnoticed. For there is a far greater rivalry at stake which brings the city to a standstill twice a year, between local heroes Independiente and Racing Club.

Photo by Robert Bits

Football stadiums of Independiente and Racing are right next to each other, fueling the bitter rivalry

Rivals Through History:

Racing and Independiente are two of the oldest and most successful clubs in Argentine football, and almost from inception became hated rivals. The tension between the two clubs is amplified through their proximity; there is only 300m separating the two stadiums, and on derby days at Independiente’s Libertadores de America Racing’s very own El Cilindro looms ominously in the distance. Even the colours of the teams are diametrically opposed- while Independiente sport a deep red and are known as ‘the red devils’, those of Racing wear white and celestial blue stripes- a true clash of heaven and hell!

Both teams were conceived in the early years of the twentieth century, and their first match in the top division took place on 12th December 1915. Los Rojos won the first encounter, only to later lose the points for having fielded an ineligible player. Since this first match the teams have met 173 times. Independiente have been more successful, winning 67 compared to La Academia’s 46.

Both teams have also had to suffer through ‘golden ages’ of their enemies. Racing Club dominated Argentine football through the 50s and 60s- in no small part due to the patronage of Gen. Juan Domingo Peron, who had a strong influence in the club and after who the stadium is named. The Peronist influence persists to this day amongst Racing fans and management. Racing’s glory years included three consecutive championships, and becoming the first ever Argentine team to win the Intercontinental championship, in 1967. Independiente meanwhile were unstoppable in the 1970s, winning an unprecedented 4 consecutive Copa Libertadores (South American Championship) titles between 1972 and 1975.

In recent years however the teams have found reduced success on the field. Independiente brought the last league title to Avellaneda in 2002, while Racing have been more preoccupied recently with avoiding relegation than with any title aspirations. Underachievement on the pitch, however, in no ways implies that the fans become any less passionate.

Thou shalt love thy neighbour?

Photo by remi de nimega

Club Racing Fans

An integral part of being a fan of either Racing or Independiente is hating with a passion your ‘other’. Even when the teams don’t play, many of the chants and songs sung by the fans insult their Avellaneda rival. A Racing song tells the Independiente fans “Rojo! You’re queer, a vigilante, you work with the police and you have no support” while the Independiente faithful sing “you’re shit like San Lorenzo, call a priest, go to mass and then suck our dicks”.

The rivalry divides the city of Avellaneda; while in Buenos Aires there are a multitude of Premier teams that share support, across the river there is only two, and allegiances can often split friends and family if only for two days a year. On derby days the tension is palpable, the city is deserted apart from bands wearing blue or red. “For a week before the game you can feel the tension around everywhere, no-one talks as much or is as friendly as normal and the atmosphere is oppressive” explains Luciano Ciccarelli, a lifelong Racing fan from Villa Crespo, “If you’re Racing and your friend is Rojo, for that week you’re not going to talk to each other.”

The tension has often in the past erupted into violence. A memorable instance of on-pitch brutality occurred in 1961, where the referee had to suspend the game due to fighting between the players. The game eventually continued, with both sides reduced to seven men each. In 2006 the match was actually abandoned due to crowd violence. Racing away fans, upset at the fact their team was losing 2-0, started to riot and destroy the visitor’s enclosure. Next they turned on the police, fighting a pitched battle in the stands. The incident led to the banning of away fans from all Argentine professional football for a period.

A Saturday in Avellaneda:

On Saturday 27th February the 173rd Avellaneda Derby took place, in Independiente’s newly renovated Libertadores stadium. The bad blood started days before however, with an ugly slanging match between the two team presidents each accusing the other club of being favoured by referees. Racing ticket sales also did not pass without incident, as the few made available by Independiente provoked incredible scenes as 2000 fans battled their way to two windows selling 700 tickets. Several were taken to hospital after fainting in the pressure and the crush of the completely uncontrolled situation.

For the match itself I was located in the Racing terrace, along with 4,500 others who had been lucky enough to secure a ticket. It was clear that this was a different game than normal, as usually boisterous loud fans were instead suffering through a nervous silence. Luciano for one was visibly anxious, with head in hands smoking cigarette after cigarette in a bid to calm down. There was no doubting the passion however- the stadium was almost completely full an hour before kick off. No-one was prepared to miss this match.

Photo by sicoactiva

Independiente Fans

Eventually at 5pm the teams ran onto the field to the jubilation of their respective supporters. As always the chants ran the gamut from the humorous (“Independiente finish your stadium- it looks like Banfield’s” was a Racing favourite referring to the as yet unfinished home ground) to the unprintably vulgar. Particularly impressive was a massive Independiente banner that spanned the entire home goal end. It was paying tribute to ‘el Kun’ Sergio Agüero, the rojo starlet whose  multi-million pound transfer to Spain financed a large part of the stadium renovations.

The game itself perhaps inevitably could not live up to the hype. It was tight throughout, with few real goalscoring chances and both teams frightened of being humiliated in front of their own fans. The violence associated with the game also reared its ugly head with two dismissals. Racing forward Gabirel Hauche was expelled for a horrific studs-up challenge into an opponents midriff, while Independiente’s Patricio Rodriguez also saw red in the dying seconds for a second yellow card.

The difference between the teams came four minutes from the end of the first half. Racing defender Brian Lluy handled the ball in the penalty area, and referee Nestor Pittana had no hesitation in pointing to the spot. It was up to Darío Gandín, a rojo legend and prolific scorer against their Avellaneda rivals, to convert it, and he made no mistake in rolling the ball into the net. Except for a couple of good attempts by la academia the 1-0 scoreline was rarely in doubt, as Racing could not break down the stout Independiente defence.

The red half of the stadium exploded into celebration as Pittana blew the final whistle, while the Racing fans hurried towards the exits in order to escape the depressing outcome of this vital game. Fireworks, flares and other explosives were launched from every corner, and the home players went straight over to their end to applaud the sterling effort of these faithful supporters, who turn out in their thousands every week rain or shine.

With that the Clásico de Avellaneda was finished, and the red half of the city will enjoy the all-important bragging rights over the blue half for the next six months. In the spring however it will be Racing’s turn to host their neighbours, and there is no doubting that the tension, hatred and adoration will be just as intense the next time the fan’s heroes meet each other.